How the journey began...

Dear sweet child of mine (to be);

I have no idea where you are, or who you are, but I know that God has allowed these plans to be on my heart, and he has set the wheels into action long before now.  God has the perfect plan, the perfect child for our family, the perfect situation that will mold us and shape us into the parents we need to be for you.  He is watching over you right now, preparing you to some day (hopefully soon) be a member of our family.

I pray for you so often.  I fear for you, that you are facing challenges and struggles far beyond your understanding and your comprehension.  I pray for your safety – in a land and world full of uncertainty. I pray for immense protection over your precious little heart, and mind, and soul, and body.  I pray for your real parents – for the sacrifices and losses that they have faced.  I am sure that they never wanted to be separated from you, and know that they were as anxious about leaving you, just as I am anxious about waiting so long to see you.

I have looked at 40+ websites over the past few months, trying to find an organization that I feel called or led to.  Because I know that God will ordain this whole process if this is His will, then I know that I must search for God’s will and pray for His direction.

When I was younger, and thought about adoption, I never saw you in South America or China or even India.  I knew I wanted to adopt, but never knew from where.  It was not until meeting Father Michael and beginning my work with Anawim Uganda that I felt that Uganda may in fact be the place where you might be waiting for us. 

The first time I met Father Michael Ssenfuma was, in and of itself, a bit of a tiny miracle.  He had spent most of his summer in America, and I knew from being on Pastoral Council, that he was staying in our rectory, but I somehow seemed to always miss his homilies and such.  I heard stories about his vibrant homilies, heard about his straight forward nature in the confessionals, but had not seen him.  I had even heard that he was going around and blessing homes and speaking to children and families about his country.

Father saying Mass in Masaka

Towards the end of the summer, I finally got my act together enough to have a clean house that was in need of being blessed.  I felt the urge to have it blessed after a series of bad dreams that were had by myself, my husband and two of the kids.  I tried calling and calling Father to no avail.  I knew he was leaving the next week, so I kind of gave up on the notion.

Well, one afternoon the next week, Father returned my call and said he had heard I was interested in missions, and interested in soccer and that I should come to a meeting at the rectory with him and a group of friends that night.  I almost choked.  I was super excited, and I promised to come.  Once I hung up the phone, I realized that I already had 2 other meetings to go to that night, and that something had to give.  Your father-to-be was quite surprised that I would forego a soccer meeting for a priest whom I had never met, but he promised to babysit and a friend said she would take notes for me.

When I walked in, I knew nobody.  Meeting Father for the first time was a blessing, but meeting the rest of the people that had known Father and his mission for so long, and who had already been doing his work, was fascinating.  If all of these people would speak so highly of him, and commit to doing this work, then he could not be bad.

As these people spoke of my favorite things; soccer, missions, doing God’s Will, and serving others, I became overwhelmed by emotion.  Literally a week before the meeting, I told my husband that I was very sad because I would never be able to do mission work, or perform any kind of hands-on foreign service, and that if I could not find an outlet for my overwhelming heart's desire, then I would surely go crazy.  I begged God for a chance to serve Him, and He answered through Father Michael.  That night, they made me the temporary secretary of the newly founded board of Anawim Uganda.  I was flying so high.

I imagine that my journey to you began there.

Ten Things: I learned from writing my adoption profile

As part of our adoption packet that we received from our agency, we had what seemed like a million questions to read over and answer - some together and some as a couple.  They are meant to be insightful and help you dig deeper inside yourself and root out any unresolved issues you might have from your childhood, or issues there might be within your marriage.  My bio and answers took up what felt like 75 pages, and upon reflecting on the answers, there are some key points I want my children to know.

Ten Things I want My Children to Know

1.  The only thing I want from you is that you grow in virtue and honor to know and love your God.

2.  Fear must NOT dominate your life.  When you serve the Lord your God, you should never fear the path you are on - just pray for guidance and trust in Him.

Mia Burrito & I before Christmas Vigil Mass

3.  Always, always, always, stand by your family.  Honor them in your actions, respect them with your deeds, love them with your heart, speak in kindness and in truth.

4.  There will always be conflict.  Learn from those situations, they are like little gifts from God, sent to refine and mold you into something bigger and stronger than before.

5.  The little things you can do, you must...

6.  There is always someone less advantaged than you.  Praise God for the gifts He has given you, and always, always, pass on the fortunes you have been blessed with.  God did not pass these things on to you so that they would be horded or wasted.

7.  Do not desire what is "beautiful" or "cool."  These things get old, disappear, break, and always cost more money than a smart person would spend.  Live simply, and your worries will be simple.  Make your life complicated by these "things" and your worries will be complicated.

8.  Bullies do not just "happen."  Bullies are made through lack of love and true discipline.  Bullies learn their behaviors, they react with anger and hostility.  They act out of loneliness and despair.  Set a good example, stand up for the weak, and be a good friend.

9.  Always make copies of important papers and stay organized.  Make copies of your birth certificate before sending it in with your passport application.  Keep one file with all of your important documents and always have a back up copy.  (This is purely practical...who can afford $26 per copy of their birth certificate - especially if you have 5 kids?)

10.  Forgive.  There is nothing like answering a billion questions about your family, childhood, marriage, and life, to remind you that accidents happen and people will hurt you.  Your anger will shape you and your decision making abilities unless you forgive and mean it. Hold on to that anger and you are nothing more than a hamster stuck running on a wheel - you work so hard but can never get anywhere.

Interviews

The Kiddos Have Their First Interview:

     At midnight, I sent in our doctrinal statements and paid our fees!  Yay.  And to top off the past 24 hours, the kiddos had their interviews with the social worker today.  I have been kind of freaking out all week about this first official meeting between the social worker and my crazy kids.  They say the craziest things around people they barely know, so who knows what will come out of their mouths?!?  Thankfully, they had been at soccer camp and agility training all morning so they were pretty tired.  We sat in the little waiting room while she spoke to each kiddo by themselves in her office.  And every time one of the boys came back in, Anna would ask them if she bit them, or hurt them.  I have no idea where she got that from but the SW thought it was pretty funny.  After she talked to them all, she went over a time line for the rest of the interviews and the home tour.  That was pretty helpful.

The best part of the whole entire thing was what the SW told me on the way out.  

      "Your kids are so cute.  When I was talking to one of them, I asked him if he had any questions."

"Can I ask you a question?"  

     "Sure."

"How would you feel if you were adopting a baby from Uganda?"

     "I think I would be excited, and maybe a little scared because there is a lot of new stuff going on.  How do you feel?"

"Well, I feel proud that we can do this for someone."

Yay.  Well done baby doll.  I imagine that it was my Bear-Bear that said those sweet little words.  I know that Mime told the SW that he had wanted a brother that was the same age as him so that if he was behind in school or was being bullied then he could help him out.  I know that Gabers wanted someone younger than him, and Tayo seemed pretty indifferent.  Mia Burrito wants a baby sister.  

     Oh my gosh, does this poor little one want a baby sister or what?  Every time she sees a little baby she asks when her baby sister is coming.  When seeing her pregnant Aunt Jubilee, she asked if I was going to have a gigantic belly and get huge like her.  For three nights straight, she crawled in my lap and covered herself with a blanket.  "Mommy, crack open your belly and take your new baby out.  Rub your blanket belly."  When she asked if her baby sister was really coming out of my belly, I tried to explain what we were going to do and how her "little sibling" was coming.  "Well Mia, Mommy's baby baker was broken, so they took it out.  And so now, if you want a baby brother or sister, then we have to find one who has no mommy or daddy."

    This explanation did not sit well with Tayo.  "How do babies have no mommies or daddies?"

"Well, some mommies get sick and can't take care of their babies.  Sometimes bad things happen to mommies and daddies and the babies are put in orphanages.  And sometimes mommies and daddies cannot handle being mommies and daddies, and the babies would be happier with people who really want to be mommies and daddies."

     "Wait.  What?  Who would not want to be a mommy or daddy?"

"Well Tayo, life can be crazy.  Being a mommy and daddy is hard work and when you really love your baby, you want what is best for him.  And sometimes, that means giving your precious little lover to someone who can feed them or clothe them.  You have nothing to worry about Tayo, but this is about tiny children, far away, who need homes."

     "That is too sad.  Crazy mom.  If you need to leave me though, maybe you can send me to Nanny's house instead of a different country."

"You got it kiddo.  Nanny's house it would be, except for the fact that I could not live without you!"

     I have the best kids.