Friday, April 13, 2012

A Prayer for the (un) Wanted


Blessed Margaret of Castello 

Feast Day, April 13


A Patroness for the Unwanted
by Madeline Pecora Nugent, SFO
It's a pretty safe bet that, had Blessed Margaret of Castello been conceived in the 1990's, we would never know about her. Why? Because her parents would have chosen prenatal diagnosis and aborted her.

Margaret's parents were members of the Italian nobility. Her father Parisio was Captain of the People, a totally fearless and highly capable soldier. He had captured the mountaintop castle of Metola and instantly became a national hero, along with the awards and pride such recognition brings. As a reward for his valor, Parisio was given the castle and its extensive estate to which he proudly brought his young bride Emilia. Parisio and Emilia enjoyed the adulation of the common people and the easy life of wealth.

Everything was going wonderfully for the upwardly mobile young couple, when these two "beautiful people" conceived their first child. Of course, their child would be a perfectly formed, perfectly behaved infant whom they could show off to friends, family, and neighbors. Since prenatal diagnosis did not exist in those days, the couple did not know that their first born daughter was a badly deformed dwarf until they laid eyes on her at birth.

Emilia and Parisio were totally shocked. How could this happen to them? Where did this ugly child come from? They could not even bear to look at her, so how could anyone else? And what if the country heard about this monstrosity being born to the most important couple in the area?

They decided to hide the child forever and tell no one about her, so they gave the baby to a trusted servant to care for secretly.
"What is the child's name?" the servant asked.
"It has no name," came the reply.
The servant looked at the infant 's bulbous head and malformed, short right leg. "You have to have a name," the servant whispered. "How about Margaret?"

Parisio's servant was also a servant of Christ who taught Margaret about the Lord. Even as a child, Margaret would pray frequently. She would hobble on her lame feet into the castle's chapel and bow her head, never seeing any of the candles or religious trappings there because she was blind. On one of her visits to the chapel, another visitor spied her and nearly discovered the horrid secret that this hump backed lump was the lord of the castle 's daughter.

"We can't have anyone discovering her," Parisio told Emilia. "She likes to pray. So he'll let her do that."
Parisio had a mason build a cell next to a church in the forest. He had him put a window opening into the chapel so that Margaret could hear Mass. Another small window opened on the outside so that food could be passed in to the child without anyone seeing her. Once the cell was built, six year old Margaret was thrust into it and the doorway walled up. Here, in her stark, damp, doomed to live out her life.
The chaplain of the church spoke to Margaret frequently and soon discovered that she had a brilliant mind that was hungry for the things of God. So the chaplain taught her, and Margaret grew rapidly in faith and knowledge. So much she did she wish to please God that, at the age of seven, began to fast as the monks did, from mid-September to Easter. For the rest of the year, she fasted four days a week. On Fridays, she took only a little bread and water.

When Margaret was nineteen, Parisio's territory was threatened with invasion. Hardly knowing whether to abandon Margaret to possible rape and slaughter or to take her away, Emilia finally opted for a Christian response. She and her attendant took Margaret with them to the safety of Mercatello. Margaret was immediately hidden in an underground vault, fed, and forgotten. A year later, five pilgrims going through Mercatello told Emilia about the wonderful cures taking place in Castello at the tomb of a Franciscan Third Order member, Fra Giacomo. As soon as Parisio was certain that peace had been restored, he and Emilia took Margaret to the tomb and thrust her there among the sick and crippled. Then they backed off to watch for the cure.

Margaret prayed fervently all day for a cure. But no cure came. "It's hopeless," Parisio said. Look at all those deformed, sick people who are praying, too. She belongs with them, not with us.'  Emilia agreed. So she and Parisio quietly rode off to Metola, abandoning Margaret at the tomb. How dark was it before Margaret realized that her parents were not returning for her? She found her way to the inn where they had lodged and learned that Parisio and Emilia had gone home without her. The knowledge could have unleashed floods of bitterness and anger, yet Margaret resigned herself to the will of God. Perhaps she knew that God had a plan for her, despite the apparent hopelessness of her situation.

The young woman, who had always been fed, sheltered, and secluded, now had to make her way through unknown streets, among unknown people, and beg. Two beggars befriended her and watched over her that first terrifying night. They introduced her to others and to families who were sympathetic to the poor.

As Margaret's story became known, and as people realized that she would not speak a harsh word against her parents but always claimed to love them, the populace of Castello began to regard this four-foot tall hunchback with awe. Families let her live in their homes, honored by her presence. Then the cloistered nuns of St. Margaret's Monastery invited Margaret to live with them. Here she spent many joyous days where, in spite of her blindness, she helped prepare meals, clean the convent, and do other chores.

When the monastery foundress died and the nuns began to relax their rule, Margaret still followed the strict guidelines she had followed at her entry. This austere behavior in the face of the convent's laxity upset the sisters who asked Margaret to leave.

Now the citizens of Castello began to wag their tongues. "She's not as holy as we thought," they whispered, ''if the nuns asked her to leave." Day after day, cruel remarks were flung in Margaret's direction, for people cannot abide the notion that a supposed saint is found to be a sinner after all. Margaret bore this persecution stoically and always defended the sisters, telling others of their kindness and patience.

Time reveals all, and it did so here. The real situation became known, and now Margaret's reputation for sanctity swelled. Margaret, who had been attending a church run by the Dominicans, was attracted to the order of the Mantellate, which evolved into the Third Order of Saint Dominic. Margaret wished to join this religious order for the laity, so the prior of the church instructed her in Dominican spirituality with its emphasis on study, prayer, and penance. Soon Margaret was clothed with the Dominican habit which consisted of a white tunic, leather belt, and long, white veil.

In addition to the prescribed prayers, Margaret daily recited all 150 Psalms and two religious offices. Soon she passed from meditation to contemplation in which, despite her blindness, she could "see" the Savior. Margaret began to practice mortifications similar to those that St. Dominic had practiced. She often spent whole nights in prayer and then attended daily Mass. She began to care for the sick and dying, limping wherever necessary to offer food, medicine, encouragement, and prayer. She brought many supposedly hopeless sinners to conversion and penance through her prayers to St. Joseph and her own touching example. When she learned of the inhumane treatment of the area's prisoners, she made them her apostolate. Every day she took them food, clothing, and medicine, and many of them returned to the Church. She once elevated during prayer and worked several miracles of various sorts.

For the last years of her life, Margaret was invited to live with some of the area's wealthy families. She accepted the offer, but chose to live in small attics rather than the large, sumptuous rooms offered her. She continued her prayers, penances, and ministries until her death on April 13, 1320, at the age of thirty-three.

Margaret's body was to be buried without a coffin, as was Dominican custom at the time. However, the cure of a crippled child at her bier caused the city council to pay for the embalming of her body and to provide her a coffin for burial in one of the Dominican chapels. Despite the very primitive embalming used, Margaret's body remains incorrupt to this very day and can be seen in [a glass coffin under the high altar in the Church of S. Domenico in Citta di Castello.]

Today, the United States hosts a National Shrine of Margaret of Castello. It is located at Holy Name of Jesus Church, 701 East Gaul Street, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 19125 (phone:             215/739-3960      ).

Blessed Margaret of Castello worked miracles during her life time and hundreds afterwards. She was a model of piety, patience, faith, and forgiveness. For those who work in the prolife movement, Margaret of Castello is a powerful intercessor. She herself was deformed [and marginalized]. She ministered to the ill, the unrepentant, and the dying. Whatever the life issue may be, Margaret has had some experience with it.

Prayer in Honor of Blessed Margaret of Castello:
Father,
Your care extends to every human person,
No matter what afflictions they suffer,
And you uphold the dignity of every human life,
Regardless of the false ways that the world may calculate its value.
You gave us Blessed Margaret of Castello as a sign and a challenge.
You permitted your glory to shine through her human weakness,
And called those around her to love her
Despite her physical limitations.
Forgive us when we fail to defend the least among us.
Through the intercession of Blessed Margaret,
Give us grace to speak up for the outcast
and to welcome those who are rejected.
When this brief life is over,
Grant that we who have welcomed all our brothers and sisters,
May be welcomed by you into the life that never ends.
We pray through Christ our Lord. Amen.

I will be praying for all of those abandon children around the world, that someone whose heart is full of love and patience come to each child, giving them a family, a home, and a life full of hope and truth.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Education Hours


Really, the worst part of adoption, is the waiting. 

 I feel like a kid that has a new sled, but is stuck indoors on Christmas break watching a blizzard.  Gosh, when it stops snowing, it will be beautiful and fun, but watching the snow fall is the killer.  Out of all of the virtues of the Blessed Virgin Mary that I try to emulate, I think that heroic patience was the one that I bombed at.  When I talk to my father-in law about striving for peace and patience, he says that when we were lining up before God for virtues, I probably refused to wait in line because it was too long.  I think he hit the nail on the head.                                



And in case you do not know what the ten virtues are, here is a quote from my favorite spiritual book… "Acts of love, pious affection for the Blessed Virgin, imitation of her virtues, especially her profound humility, her lively faith, her blind obedience, her continual mental prayer, her mortification in all things, her surpassing purity, her ardent charity, her heroic patience, her angelic sweetness, and her divine wisdom: "there being," as St. Louis De Montfort says, "the ten principal virtues of the Blessed Virgin."


If you strive to attain higher levels of one virtue, your strengths in other levels will rise as well.  Have you ever met a sweet person who was not both charitable in her actions, and patient with her words?  Have you ever met someone who was truly living a lively faith, but who was not sweet, pure, and charitable?  Anyway, just a thought on how I try to live my life, and TRY is the operative word.  I finally just stopped praying for patience because God kept putting me in situations to test my patience.  Now I strive for charity, kindness, and wisdom and hope that my patience creeps up as well.

Don’t worry though, the Agency and the SW give you lots of reading and educating to do in the mean time.  Because they are a Hague accredited Agency, and because they do not want a poor opinion of them or for parents to feel shell shocked once the child is home, and of course because they do not want the child to suffer at the hands of an ignorant parent, they give you a ton of things to read.

Luckily for me, Alabama has one of the largest online libraries of adoption resources in the country.  All I have to do is get online, tell them which books I want, and they send them to me, free of charge, with a pre-addressed envelope to return them in.  
The books I have on order are:
1.  The Connected Child, by Karyn Purvis
2.  Black Baby White Hands: A View from the Crib, by Jaiya John
 3.  Does Anybody Else Look Like Me?: A Parent's Guide to Raising Multiracial Children
                           by Donna Jackson Nakazawa
4.  Inside Transracial Adoption, by Gail Steinberg & Beth Hallinan
5.  Different and Wonderful: Raising Black Children in a Race-Conscious Society
                           by Darlene Powell Hopson and Derek S. Hopson

I will give you an update as to whether the books were worth the read or not.  I have heard great things about The Connected Child, so I am excited for that to come.  I wanted to just get them on my kindle, but all of the books were not there, and then I get these for free, and since we are saving up for the adoption, every penny not spent on necessities is sent to our Agency.

We also have to go to the following websites and read all of the information:

And last but not least, we have to sign up at www.hagueadoption.org and register for the Intercountry Adoption Journey, and then take an online seminar from UAB called “Preparing Families for International Adoption Seminar.”  These two classes were under the Dossier part of the budget because each one cost at least $150 to do.

Hopefully these things will help us prepare for racial issues/stressors that the child might feel as he gets older and starts dealing with comments/questions from other people or from students in school!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Renewed Spirit

Gosh I was tired.  I have not gotten much sleep over the past few nights.  I actually am not a real happy and focused person if I get more than  hours or so, but last night, I did not sleep at all.

I am on the board for Anawim Uganda.  They are a great group of individuals who are inspired to create real change.  Our mission statement reads, "Anawim Uganda seeks to provide Christ centered support to Ugandan youth to inspire their futures, improve their communities, better their education, and to nurture the spiritual growth of young Catholic leaders."  What a blessing to be involved with such dedicated people.

Anyway, I spent most of the day answering questions from my home study packet, and I was feeling a little down about the continual questions about race, and how I will handle your hardships and help you through.  As soon as your brothers and sister were fed, I sat down to start the process of updating our organization's website.  This is a bit of a chore because sometimes the computer just refuses to upload fonts, or pictures, or whole page changes.  It just takes a long time to do.  Also, I have to open up the email from the past few weeks, download and save all of the pictures we receive from Uganda about different projects and such, update Father's blog, contact info, etc.  Around 2 or 3 AM I was on a mission to find a new picture for one of the pages, and I just got caught up in it.

I have maybe a hundred to two hundred different pictures of kids, homes, schools, and places, in Masaka.  I couldn't help but feel overcome by the beauty of the nature there, the courage behind tiny smiles, the simplicity and yet the hardships of daily living.  I thought maybe I would share a few pictures and the link to our website. Anawim Uganda is the name of our non-profit, and happens to be the web address as well.  The "Anawim" in scripture are the poor ones of God.

As you will see, the kids are always so joyful; huge smiles, big innocent eyes.  The Ugandan people are really some of the most steadfast peoples I have ever come to know.  I cannot wait until it is my turn to go visit the wonderful Delta Center in Masaka.  Flipping through all of these digital files last night, I could not help but feel renewed, excited, happy, and joyful.  I hope that your smile is as big as theirs when you come home to us.
These are some of the jerseys I collected through our YMCA and sent over a few months ago.

This is their soccer ball: strips of fabric wrapped around banana husks that are
wrapped in garbage and plastic bags.

Home sweet home

This was at one of the Art 4 God camps

Just transporting water - she was so beautiful I had to include it.



A Question About Costs


I have had several friends recently ask me about the costs for adopting from Uganda.

I took a quick second to kind of outline what the costs are, and which ones we have paid, and which ones are coming.  This might help anyone who is interested in the process, so that you can figure out if it can be done in your situation.  Looking at it now, I am not even sure it will happen for us.  Realistically, that is a crazy sum of money.  That is like what Paul makes in a year, and we are going to try and spend that in 12-18 months?!?  Good gracious.  I can see why people do not adopt….if they can even get through the 200 pages of forms, questions, etc. without being totally discouraged, the bills along the way might push someone over the edge.  The sad thing is that this Agency was really inexpensive considering everything they take care of, how much information they give you and how thorough they are.  

I know that you can apply for grants, but you cannot even start applying for grants until after your home study has been approved or even received your referral.  But by then, you have already spent at least $6,695.  Let the fundraising begin.  I found a website that will print 20 shirts for you for $5, that you design and submit, and you are then supposed to sell the shirts for $15 - $20 a piece.  I also have jewelry from Uganda and artwork that I could sell to raise money - except for the fact that I do not know anyone with money....and maybe I am too prideful to sell stuff to people.  Then again, I wanted this to have the least amount of negative impact on the kids as possible to increase their appreciation and happiness about our wonderful new kiddo.  Something has got to give. I think that the low interest adoption loan will be the way to go, but even then, it only covers $10,000, and the total bill is around $55,000, so we shall see.  

I know I should feel really worried about it, but I am not.  I feel very peaceful about the whole thing.  Ok, so ask me when the tax return money has run out and we have a $12,000 bill that is due in a week.  I might be stressing then.  A friend said maybe I was just being naive or feeling blissful, but I think I am just at peace and confident in what God wants me to do...or I could be blind and arrogant.  I guess we will find out soon enough!

Thursday, April 5, 2012

To the mother of this child

To the Mother of my Future Child;


The wood cut print was made by the artist
who runs our Art 4 God camps at the Delta
Center during the summer & Christmas
break, Vincent. I love the colors in this.
I think about you all of the time.  I wonder if you are pregnant right now, or if you have given birth.  I wonder if your child is in your arms right now.  I pray about what will precipitate you letting go of your child.  I pray you and your child do not suffer horribly during these difficult times.  It often times scares me when I think about what the two of you will go through together, and apart.  Whatever it is, I ask that God will allow my guardian angels to protect your sweet souls from unnecessary harm.


Whatever you are dealing with, I commend you.  Our lives are so different, and your country's suffering and poverty is so great.  You are such a resilient nation, full of hardworking, people trying to do the best you can with what you have.  I always said that I would give back to God what He has given to me.  I am forever thankful that I will be able to share His gifts with your child. 


In America, half of the pregnancies end in abortion.  Sometimes it is because they are not well off, or they feel as though they cannot support the child that grows within them.  None of those women live in the conditions that you live in.  None of them suffer the same hardships or have the same problems.  But you carry your child, supply for your child, and sacrifice for this life that is in you.  For this, I am eternally grateful.  


Hopefully, I will be the type of mom that you want for your child.  I cannot promise great wealth, riches, gold, or every heart's desire.  But I can promise great love.  I can love.  My children and husband can love.  We are very good at that.  We believe that it is our obligation to choose love over everything, every day.  It is our duty to love, care for each other, and bring and share Christ's love with your child.


I am strong, though not as strong as you.  I want to raise my children to be strong and educated men (and women) of honor, with a character that is pleasing to the Lord.


I know that this process will take months and maybe even years to complete.  I am so impatient that this seems to be a huge and daunting task.  But maybe your child has not even been conceived yet.  Or maybe a year from now, your child will be in my home. I know that I will never replace you, and that every time I see your child, I will see you and his dad.  And hopefully when he sees me, he will see the next best thing to you - a woman who wanted to give him everything his real mom wanted to, but could not.


I hope that I receive your child as soon as humanly possible, so that he does not know loneliness, or pain, or hunger, or sadness, or fear.  I want to suffer as little as possible during that time from the day you leave till the day he gets to me.


Know that I will never replace you and you will never be forgotten.  Your sacrifice and love is far greater than mine will ever be.  Thinking of everything you can have done to your child, and the choices that you made to get him to me, is incredible.  We might be his forever home, but Uganda will always be his heritage and you will always be his mother.  You loved him first, you sacrificed first, and you will always be the most important and the most courageous person in both of our lives.


In gratitude and love;


Allie

Hair Cuts

Last night, while I was cutting your brothers' hair, I started thinking about what it will be like to cut yours.  When I was done, there was a huge pile of hair on the floor, all different shades from the darkest hair of Mime's, to the blond wisps of Mia Burrito's hair.  Oh, what it will be like to have yours mixed into the bunch.

On the way to the boys' nature camp this morning, they started asking all sorts of questions about you, but I cannot really answer, because we have not gotten that far into the process yet.  You will be a boy, under the age of 4 because that is what we are approved for.

But your siblings are excited anyway...They are so excited, maybe too excited.  They were wondering about what language you will speak and what your home looks like right now.  I reminded them that you might not even be born yet.  Mime was very concerned that you might get upset if you cannot understand us right away.  I reminded him that when he was born, he could not understand me either.  It is a constant flow of conversation about you.  I explained that you probably will not understand us completely, and there will be a lot of things that you are not used to; like sleeping in your own crib or bed, like having a tv on, like riding around in a car, or shopping at Target, or having whatever you want to eat, whenever you want it.

Bear Bear suggested that we should go shopping for Barney movies that are not scratched up.  Gabers suggested that he be the one to show you picture books and read to you.  Tayo said that he would teach you all about super heroes and good guys, while Mia said she would give you tea parties.  It was funny hearing them all - and to hear their love and concern for you before you even get here.  They are just like little drummer boys, trying to find their best gifts and talents to give to the baby.

You will be very spoiled when you get here.

I reminded them about how weird it will be for you to have a crib or bed to yourself because you are used to sleeping with other children in the orphanage.  Tayo said that you could sleep with him.  It is so funny because the boys hated to sleep by themselves.  I used to have all four boys split into an older group and a younger group; 2 beds in each room, and the rooms separated by the staircase.  And all night long, I would sit on the couch and listen to the pitter patter of feet across the floor.  And in the morning when I would wake them up, I would discover all 4 boys smashed into 1 or 2 beds.  They could not be separated from each other. So, I wised up, and instead of fighting with them about where they slept, and I put both bunk beds in one room.  So now, I just listen to them talk each other to sleep.  It has been amazing.  Tayo still likes to play musical beds - sometimes in Bear Bear's bed, sometimes in Gaber's or Mime's.  Brothers are a blessing.

You will learn so much from each other.