Beginning Again

Before I left for Uganda last year

It has been over a year since I saw your smiling face in Masaka.  I have tried not to write since I left.

I couldn't write or blog or really even speak about my trip much.  I would get half way through telling people about my trip, and I would start to weep.  I think about you and about Uganda, and the beautiful people living there, every single day.

If I go to the store, I end up looking for toys that you might like, or clothes that you might fit in, or movies that you would love.  I dream about how much fun you will have with the boys, how much you will learn, and how you will grow.

Taken this May before you got your photo books

I start making a photo book on Shutterfly, of my last trip out there, and I am forced to stop reliving each second, each emotion, each flood of memories, by this inner block.  It is almost too painful to bear.

When I came back, I spent a lot of time being torn between two worlds, trying to live in both of them at the same time.  I saw what we had, and wanted to get rid of all of it.  I saw each purchase in terms of how many schools we could have built with the money for the new couch, or how many tuition we could have paid for with the cost of competitive soccer, or Christmas presents, or the clothes in my closet that I never wear.

Here you are wearing the shirt I sent to you and
reading through the book that the boys made for you!

It took awhile for me to be comfortable at home, in a place I love, with the beautiful children that I have and the wonderful husband that allows me the freedom to be myself, and serves as the anchor and heart of our family.  When Father Michael came in May for the summer, I sent him home with gifts and toys for you, but most importantly he took several small books for you.  I hope that you have been able to enjoy them.  2 were scrap books that the boys made for you, with a page for each of them, and then pictures of our home, and car, and dog and church and school so things might be a little familiar for you.  And then two were done by Anna and I - we made two of those recordable books for you, where we read the story to you, so that our voices might be familiar.  One was about our family, and one was about our faith.  Hopefully, when I see you soon, my voice will help you to slowly start bonding to us.

I have composed about a million blogs in my head - things that I was feeling, the pain and growth that comes with waiting, the anxiousness of each new step, the excitement and let down that comes with each new situation.  But I could not yet put those things into words.  Even yesterday, the magic "January 15th" when courts would reopen, came and past and all day I carefully, mentally prayed for guidance and patience, all while knowing deep in my heart that you would be here soon.  I was so confident that all of a sudden, I had to hop out of bed and make 11 freezer meals for my sweet family to enjoy while I was gone.  I could not sleep all night long, feeling in my heart that soon I would prepare to come and get you.

And wouldn't you know, that at 6 AM, on January 16th, Father Michael calls to tell me that my court date is February 19th "so you need to get your airline ticket like tomorrow Allison."

So for now, I will start blogging again - updating my friends and family about this crazy little ride that we are on, and hopefully, documenting every thing that we did to get you HOME!