Wednesday

Wednesday, the 26th

We move so much slower in Uganda. In a land that has so much to offer, things move so much slower.  Maybe it is the lack of vision, or the desire to not be disappointed.  Maybe it is that the whole land is conversing with God, waiting to be given instructions, filled with a peace and acceptance of the pace, and of the ebb and flow of their journey here on earth. 

We had a slow and quiet day today, the rain and cool breeze cocooned around us.  Our windows open to allow the breeze to remove the sleep and heat and stagnation from our room, our bones, and our minds. Our only task for the day was to meet with some representatives of the Diocesan Youth Office – 2 I have known for a few years, 1 I just met.  The youth office in Masaka is over run, so many youth, a huge landscape, and no funds.  Anawim Uganda, in the US, has spent the last several years funding the works and activities of this office, and of Father Michael through bringing Father to the US so he can fund raise.  Now that Father is in his own parish, doing the same activities, but on an even larger scale much further away from a vibrant active city, we need to blaze new paths.  Now we are constructing new inlets and roads into the land in order to reach more youth and bring Christ to the people who seek peace and satisfaction and fulfillment.

Our meeting was both an introduction and a revisiting of the old and new projects, a refocusing of our mission here now, and our goals and projects for the future.  I spent a great deal of time just asking questions about the needs of the youth in the Masaka Diocese; counseling, food projects, technical training, jobs, self-sustainability, project reliability.  The needs are ever changing, new groups of well- meaning muzungos come in and start projects, but never stick around to see what works.  They fail because of consistent funding and lack of personal investment.  The people of Uganda do not want your money, they need it.  What they want is your time and energy, a personal relationship, to feel connected to people who care and share their own vision for their country.

The rest of the day was just that – a rest.  We packed up bags, knowing that Friday we will be back in Kampala, and Paul will be leaving me here some-time this week.  We sat together, Benny, Paul and I, on the bed, a teeny tiny half of a much larger and more vibrant family, savoring last moments of peace and quiet before rushing into the Capital, to slam our head against walls, wait in long lines, and deal with “lost” or inadequate paperwork.  I know what awaits us there, and there is nothing I can do about it.  So I sit here in the rest and quiet and I praise God for His Will.  I praise Him for the noise, and anxiety that will soon be here, for the restlessness, the sadness, the absence.  I praise Him for the strength I do not have, for I know He will give it to me.  I thank Him for the work that has been done in me, and for all of the work that He will do.

Part of me fights this acceptance.  My “Cali” as dear friends call it refuses to be quiet.  It struggles against acceptance – it wants to fight, kick and scream, get mad, get anxious, cry over things that we have no power over.  Acceptance feels a lot like giving up.  My Cali hates this patience that I am reaching for – “Nothing gets done if you are patient.  Go and make things happen.  Tell her to shut up.  Tell her to stay out of our business.  You deserve to act high and mighty because you deserve better than no power and cold showers and the same potatoes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, every single day.”  The devil is on the cusp of my mind screaming his angst against my acceptance of His will.  He mocks it in my voice, begging me to question every feeling and emotion that I have embraced.  The king of lies, of fear, of anxiety, of jealousy and despair sits and waits for me to lose focus, waits for me to be tired and alone and then he tightens his grip.  I am still strong though.

Not today.

Notes from my prayer journal:  The law of caring for the orphan and widow was set before us in Deuteronomy.  His law, pushed and promoted so well in Christian and Evangelical churches seems lost to us in the Catholic churches I have been to.  90% of all of the adoption grants available that I looked at are provided through Christian non -profit organizations, and each one said, “How much money does your church set aside or give out to families who are adopting?”  This is a whole church mandate that the Lord put before us, and we kind of pawn it off on Catholic Social Services – give them some money and then we can say that we are supporting the widow and taking care of orphans.  In two different phone interviews for two grants, when asked my church affiliation, and I said Catholic, they responded, with a smirk I could almost hear, “Oh, so that is why there is no orphan fund established through your church.”  It was like a slap in the face, like “Oh, you are Catholic, so you do not obey God’s commands”, or “Oh, that’s right, Catholics take the Mass seriously, and then leave and feel as though their faith duties have been fulfilled.”  Yuck.  It left me with such a bad taste in my mouth.  I was embarrassed by the attitude that many people had towards the Catholic faith like it is somehow more callous and less supportive of the weak and suffering in the world.  And we can look at stats and figures of the social work system, the education system, and the fact that the Catholic church is the largest supplier of financial aid in need in the world, but we lack focus locally, in our own parishes.  

Sure, if there is a war or natural disaster, the Church donates, and rushes to the scene, but there are children and elderly suffering locally, daily, and we seem a little blind to it.  The same goes for the Church in Uganda.  Meeting tons of different types of Christian here, they all have the same opinion or our faith and our church.  All of the aid organizations, run by youn vibrant people here almost mock Father and I as we talk to them about what we do.  “The only people that come here and do long lasting things are your nuns and missionary priests – you write checks to them to absolve you from any duty to serve.  Sure, not everyone can come here and work, but we would like to see just a few of you show up once in awhile and commit to relationships not just check writing.”  Ugh.  It is embarrassing.  Just a thought, and my prayer focus for the day – that those who are invisible, and their pain, are made visible to us in our city and community – that God stirs our souls to their needs.  (And no, we did not receive a grant, which was really hard and disappointing.)

“Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways, know, serve, recognize and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.”

Proverbs 3:5-6

Soundtrack song of the day:  Lavender Hill, Brian Crain
Consecration to Jesus through the Immaculate Heart of Mary, A quick, easy, and secure way to Holiness, Day 7