I started
my morning by wondering if they make 2-day sleeping pills that I could give
Benny and I to get us through the weekends…I debated in my mind the efficacy of
such an invention, knowing that I would want to use the same invention with
Benny whenever it was time to fly home – 9 hours to Amsterdam, 3 hours waiting,
9 hours to Atlanta, 1.5 hours in customs, 3 hours home. Moms all over the world would sing my praises
when traveling long distances.
I got
Benny changed, and sent him into the bathroom – and at some point in the middle
of the process, he decided to get off of the toilet, use the floor, and then
get back on to finish his business. I
spent the next 2 hours sanitizing the bathroom.
For the love of God, I wish I was home, where I could show him how a
real toilet work. Of course, if he pulled
a stunt like that at home, I would not have the luxury of a huge drain in the
corner of the bathroom to wash everything towards, but somehow the idea of
doing this at home was somewhat comforting – at least Paul would be there to
laugh at me, and the kids would make mad faces at Benny and tell him how to do
it correctly. Of course I had to take a
shower after that, wearing my shoes because the Good Lord knows what might be
on me or the floor. I promptly cover
myself in hand sanitizer, and get re-dressed for the day.
It takes
about two hours to access blogspot, and upload 1 blog without pictures. I was determined to sit and get Thursday and
Friday up, so Benny and I sat in the living room area and got to work. However, Benny was not so pleased with my
decision to be inside, but the closer you are to the wireless router, the fast
and better your connection was. He
started to creep towards the door, and when one of the workers, Harriett, went
outside, he made his escape. I ran to
put my tablet away in his absence, and then went outside to get him. He heard me and turned around and turned to
Harriett and started crying and put his hands up, like maybe she would rescue
him. She completely ignored him, thank
God. But this is the problem with living
in one place for too long that is not permanent, where people let him get away
with whatever he wants.
All of
this just makes me upset and frustrated.
I dream about what he will be like at home, with boundaries, and no
interference from well meaning Ugandans ruining my parenting efforts. The bonding books say to keep him close, be
his only source of food, blah blah blah.
But when you have three places that you are confined to – the bedroom,
the dining room, and the backyard, you are kind of stuck to the people in those
places. Obviously, in our bedroom, that
is fine – but these are tiny quarters not suitable for a 3 year old. The other 2 harbor threats to the bonding
process, and he is very used to people coming in going out of his life and
making do with whatever constants remain longer than the others.
I have
really had to start cracking down on their interfering. For instance, if we are eating dinner, and he
does not want to eat something, he gets down and tries to wander around r he
whines and falls to the floor and starts rolling around laughing, and everyone
else laughs at him, which just encourages him.
I tell him to sit, and he whines, and the waiters talk to him. I put him in his seat, and they come over and
goof off with him, and when they walk away, he tries to follow. I feel like I am constantly saying, “Do this,
do that, yes, no, eat, sit,” and that everyone else is like “play, goof off,
you are so cute, so funny, ha haha.”
Maybe they should be the ones cleaning up his mess all over the bathroom
floor almost every single day for the past week. Maybe if I showed them pictures of his mess,
he would be less cute and playful.
To make
matters worse, we are sure that he has giardia.
We spent all of that time and money getting him dewormed, but first
chance he gets, he is drinking the shower water. Hello?!?
The shower water is from a huge black tank in the back yard, from rain
that came off of the roof. You CANNOT
drink it. PERIOD. Shower water smells, sink water smells, my
hair smells. I am bathing in glorified
swamp water. Since one of his long
showers about two weeks ago, he has had diarrhea every day at least once. He won’t eat stuff he used to. You couple his intestines, with his desire to
only eat pineapple and watermelon and mango and you can see why his stomach is
so messed up.
You can
give someone antibiotics for giardia but it only shortens the lifespan of the
parasites. You cannot spread giardia if
you are washing your hands after changing him. You will not catch it
either. So truly, there is no point in
giving him anything now, if he will continue to drink water when he is in the
shower. And I have yelled at him for it,
but what am I supposed to do, spank him?
As soon as I leave and wait outside the door so that I do not get
soaked, he will do it anyway. Even when
I get out of the shower, I still cover myself in hand sanitizer. I wash my face with face wipes, I brush my
teeth with a bottle of water, I use Clorox wipes on the sinks and toilet every
time he is done.
I did get
a chance to talk to my sister Sarah and both of my parents today which was nice
– and I talked to all of the kids as well.
It is really hard to make this happen – conversations with the kids are
hard to manage. If I want to call them
at 6 AM, I fight get three of four minutes per kid, and I set my alarm on my
tablet to tell me when it is 2 PM, because I am liable to miss it. If I want to talk to them at the end of their
day, when they are home after baseball and streaks, then I have to stay up
until 3 or 4 AM – which is not hard when I am having nightmares, but normally
around 4, I have an easier time falling asleep.
I have found that Saturdays at 5 PM my time, when it is 9 AM their time,
is a decent time to call them….unless they have soccer, which is every weekend
except the weekends that start and stop Spring Break. Yay me.
I fell
asleep easily, in the middle of a rosary, but woke up 3 different times for
torrential downpours and thunder that rolled for minutes at a time with no
break. I got up and moved my suitcases
out from under the window. Our windows
have iron bars, but no screens, and the glass window parts are all open and
swung out. You have to be outside to shut the windows or have a big long stick
to pull them shut with. The way that the
wind was blowing, I was afraid of water being blown in and soaking the
bags. For the rest of the night, I did
what I normally do - lay there and read emails, or check facebook and see if my
husband is online or watch faithit.com videos or pray, or read my consecration
books. I order more digital books from
Sophia Press so I have reading material for the next few weeks that I might be
in country.
I cannot
even begin to explain how upset I will be in the Embassy says that I will not
get a Wednesday appointment. I would
probably start sobbing, right then and there.
I would lose it, I know I will.
It will crush me, no matter how much faith I have that this is God’s
will, my faith and acceptance cannot suddenly make me happy that I am here by
myself. Just saying.
Notes from my prayer journal: I am being tempted
to distraction from things back home. I
am being tempted to hate the people that are causing these disruptions back
home. Every second I spend caring or
being angry are seconds that I am taking away from Benny, and bonding and
focusing on why God sent me here. I keep begging God to focus my heart and
mind, when every part of me wants to call down the thunder to put an end to
false accusations. But He always said
that persecutions will come, and we will suffer, and that we should not bother
with fighting or defending, to pay the price they request and be done with
them. I am not ready to do that, I want
to defend myself.
But what can I do? I am in
Africa, with little internet connection.
I can get facebook on a large glorified phone in my room, but have no
keyboard, cannot sign in to important accounts because there is no firewall
protection here, and more. What is done
is done, but it breaks my Will, which is exactly what God requires of His
people to be true followers of Christ. I
am learning. Baby Steps.
“Those who know your name will trust in you, for you Lord,
have never forsaken those who seek you.”
-Psalm 9:10
Soundtrack song of the day – Broken Bells – the High Road
Consecration to Jesus through the Immaculate Heart
of Mary, Blessed Mother Teresa, Day 31
The Novena to the Divine Mercy, Day 5
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