The Feast of St. Joseph

March 19th (For some reason this is showing up after Thursday, even though I posted it first)

I have always felt sorry for St. Joseph, having a solemnity right after St. Patrick's Day.  It is so much more fun for the average person to have an excuse to get drunk and over eat for something fun like being or not being Irish.  However, celebrating being a devoted father and husband is a little more difficult.  Can't really get drunk to celebrate being the most holy of fathers can you?  You cannot go around wearing green and pinching people in the name of the most devoted husband that ever walked the Earth right? 

So poor St. Joseph kind of gets ignored by the world, except for the devoted Italians, who have adopted this feast day as their own - who eat and drink and pray mightily in the name of the man who loved the two most perfect souls to ever come into creation.  In my family, we celebrate St. Patrick, and both of St. Joseph's 2 solemnities, although I will admit that I do have a hard time making two huge, and vastly different meals, so close together.  This year, in preparing for my absence, I made a gigantic lasagna and baked ziti and meatballs, and put them in the freezer with a beautiful tiramisu, so that my children may honor and celebrate St. Joseph, Spouse of the Blessed Virgin Mary, in fine fashion. 

I also wanted Kolbe Joseph to celebrate one of his 3 feast days.  Lucky duck that one, a feast day for St. Maximilian Kolbe and 2 for St. Joseph.  Paul and I picked saints and angels names for each of my children, pairing up saints feast days to supposed due dates to family members' names that we would like to honor or keep.  I would sit and read saints books for hours in bed while I was pregnant, hoping to find inspiration for my future children.  I did read a baby naming book one time, but the names never instilled the meaning and value and history in my soul like a saint's name could.  In fact, I had a whole list of saints names that we would use...and the only two that we did not were Luke Anthony and Mary Claire - Matthew was a hair away from being Anthony, had it not been for a prolapsed cord and an emergency c-section, I might have not been knocked out so long that my husband had the chance to name him. (He truly is a Matthew Timothy though, so I cannot complain). 

As close as St. Joseph has always been to my heart though, I will admit that I always prayed to him rather selfishly, everything from home sales, to guiding my sweet Kolbe's heart and passion, to guidance over household issues and familial protection.  And although I always saw him as the prefect husband, and protector of families, I have never begged his intercession on behalf of my husband though.  To make matters worse, I cannot even be entirely sure why not.  This notion of praying for your spouse first, before all else is also new to me.   

Normally when I pray, I start with the immediate concerns of the family, then special intentions that I had promised, and then from there, my sweet children and their many necessities, our extended family and then for myself and my husband, almost as a last thought though - "God if you have spare mercy and blessing, after you have reached your hand down upon these other needs, can you please throw a bit of grace upon my husband and I?"  How many prayers I have wasted on the wrong things! 

What I have really been shown, during these last 5 weeks, is that I had the order and necessity all backwards.  One phrase I learned when I moved to the South was, "Happy wife, happy life."  I had never heard this phrase before, but it seemed odd to me.  Women were designed and created to love - their entire being was formed to give and support and sacrifice for life, and to do that is the essence of what "loving" means.  So why should the happy life of a man depend on the emotions of his wife?  What I want to say is that women should feel honored to be of service to their husbands and their children.  What I want to say is that when women love and serve, they embrace the vocation that they were created for and that is truly a beautiful thing which would then delight their souls.   

However, in this fallen creation, too often, men abuse the privilege that an honorable wife affords them.  Too often, men are selfish and controlling and do not extol the love or command the family with a love that is true and genuine and noble.  Look at the divorce rate and the spousal abuse rate, and the child abuse rate around the world.  These numbers speak volumes regarding the pain and suffering that men, women and children face, this side of heaven.  The numbers of families trying hard to make things work, that are trudging through a self-centered society, trying to enforce values and love and morals and rules within a family setting are to be commended.  And it is to anyone who is making an effort in this arena that I focus on now. 

If you want to change your life, to find the happiness that only God can provide, then you need to start focusing on God and asking Him to use you as an instrument of love, to bring others happiness and peace. I have tried my whole life to serve others, and often times, I left God out of it.  But your efforts are futile if they have no basis or foundation in everlasting happiness, right?  And then there were times when all I said was "God, you need to help them," but I left my efforts out of the equation.  God has given us each different gifts, in style and in number, in beauty and in depth.  However, He expects you each to use all of the gifts that He has given you to advance His kingdom and in all other things.  He then expects you to call upon Him for direction, clarity, and support, for He knows that you cannot do anything without Him.  That is how He continually raises up great saints.  He takes the imperfect people who are willing to listen to His Will and to offer up their talents, and He directs them, and aids them for His greater glory.  He calls each of us to be great saints in this manor. 

So the question is, do you want to be married to a man or to a saint?  Will a man love you like a saint?  Will he sacrifice and guide and protect and support like a saint?  Does he have your best interests at heart more than a saint?  If you want to be married to a saint, then you had better start praying for your spouse's vocation first and foremost.  You had better start supporting his vocation in prayer and in deed immediately.  But do not worry, what might seem thankless and fruitless will have a life altering affect on you as well.  St. Monica understood this. St. Joseph was the perfect image of this.  Both of these saints, and hundreds more, understood that their jobs were to support and care for the people that they were bound to - to truly love them in the most biblical of ways.  And in that love and sacrifice and devotion, they found sanctification.    

I want to be a great saint, so I will begin by being the best wife, and the best mother possible.  I will do this by putting my husband's needs at the top of my priority list, supporting him in his sanctification process.  I will aid and mold and shape my children, in character and morals and honor.  I will set a visual example of love and sacrifice for them to witness and learn from first hand.  I will continue to die to myself, for love of their souls.   

Believe me, it will be a long and hard road, especially for someone like me.  I protect my heart first, I have a strong bit of "Cali" in me yet (that is what true Southerners call my very unlady like sarcasm and straightforward nature).  I tend to be wildly passionate - quick to action and righteous anger regardless of what the situaion truly needs.  I lack patience and do not like to give forgiveness if the transgressors have not requested it.  All of these cause me to be separated from my King, and my spouse and my children, and therefore these habits must die. 

These are all things that the fiery skies of Africa seem to be trying to burn out of me.  The Lord knows how I will be tempted to fall back on them 10-12 times a day, but the sanctification process is slow and long and difficult, as is all things of value.  I have certainly learned to call upon great saints to intercede on my husband's behalf.  My prayers are weak and pathetic and much more unfocused compared to those of St. Monica, and it took her almost 20 years to convert her son.  My only hope rests in the constant conversion of my soul- that I grow in love and in holiness, for the sanctification of the souls around me.  Lord, make me an instrument, through which your light shines forth. 

From my prayer journal:  I beseech St. Joseph, the most pure spouse of Our Blessed Mother, to intercede on behalf of all wives, who truly want to become great saints.  Help us to grow in wisdom and patience and faithfulness.  Help guide our thoughts and words and actions.  Show us how to love more purely, for the greater glory of God, in support of our husbands, for the sanctification of their souls and ours. Amen. 

“The Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace”

-          Numbers 6: 25-26

Soundtrack song of the day – Take a Walk, Passion Pit   

Consecration to Jesus through the Immaculate Heart of Mary, Marian Entrustment Part 2, Day 28

The Novena to the Divine Mercy, Day 1