Sunday

Sunday, the 23rd

I started my morning off wrong, kind of.  I went into the kitchen to put a bottle away (they recycle all of the coke bottles and the bottling company literally just reuses the same bottle.  I have had ones with dates from 2001 to 2013 already this trip.)  And upon entering the kitchen, I was shocked by the bugs, the smell of old frying oil, and the multiple bottles of mayonnaise, and various other spreads, open, and obviously old, just sitting on the counter.  I did a mental check of what I have been eating.  They warned me to eat only things that were boiled, fried or very very, very, steamed.  Don’t eat it if it was fresh and not peel-able (so no lettuce, cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, etc).  They wash it in the same water that is in the tanks.  Ack. 

I lost my appetite for the day, maybe the rest of my time here.  I studied over the menu in my head – I am left with spring rolls and french fries maybe – nothing with cheese or creams or spreads.  I know that the refrigeration here is poor.  When the power goes out, it is out – for 10 minutes to 20 hours+ hours to days even, but it always shocks me when I see people eating meats and things without question.  I was most disgusted about the mayo, I hate mayo anyway, but maybe they make it without eggs here?  And I have seen eggs, sitting out for hours and hours and hours here, and people do not seem to die…right?

I sit on my bed and spin my fake wedding ring around on my finger.  I was told ‘no expensive jewelry’, and most married Ugandans do not even wear a simple band.  So I shopped around on Amazon.com and found a silver band with woven Celtic designs.  I then found a silver band that had the phrase, “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine” on the inside. For $20, I bought both, and settled on the plain one when they arrived.

I am not sure why I chose the one with the saying in it – I had kind of thought it enduring.  I had imagined Paul saying those words to me.  The inside of his textured gold band when we got married said “I heart you.” Which is what we always had said to each other.  I am not sure the last time I used that phrase, but it seemed fun and playful in college and it stuck for awhile.  I had considered that I would need a little inspiration while I was in Uganda, and that maybe when I was all alone, I would sit and stare at the ring, and know, by its very presence that I was not alone.  This was obviously a fallacy on my part.  Now I sit and think that this ring would be perfect for a woman who took her vows and wanted a ring that serves as a reminder that she is married the Christ forever.

Paul’s wedding band with his saying has come and gone, and then made an appearance again, but I am not sure where it is now.  Anna and Matt went through a phase of taking Paul’s wedding rings off of the bathroom counter when he was in the shower.  I would just buy him another one, different kinds of silver, white gold, tungsten, whatever.  And sure enough, they would disappear after a week or so.  At one point, I had re-found 3 of them in different rooms of the house.  And soon as the rings disappearing started, it stopped again. He keeps the spare rings in the center drawer in our bathroom, just in case one disappears again.  Maybe I will put this band in that drawer when I get home.

I had woken up to a splitting headache and the room was spinning on a tilt.  I imagine now, that if I am over my virus, then it must have something to do with my 4 bulging disks in my very lower back, and the 4” thick mattress that is probably 15 years old.  You can feel every wood slat beneath it, so you try to position the tip of your hip bone accordingly in the gaps when you are on your side.  And if you are on your back, you wedge your shoulder blades in between slats to remove as many pressure points as possible.  I have it down to a science, but when I am really tired, I am all over the place, and then I wake up a bit and shift until the pressure points are gone.

The same thing goes when I am typing.  Or really any time we are in the room.  There is a tiny desk, no wider than my laptop and it is not sturdy, not made for real work to be done at it – it holds an alarm clock and a water bottle and that is about it.  The only place to fold laundry, sit, work, read, play, whatever, is on the bed.  I start writing the blog sitting up, with my back pressed against the back board, and then flat on my back with the lap top on my knees, and then on my side propped on my elbow, and then on my stomach while doing my back stretches.  The bed is very short, and only comes up to halfway between my knee and ankle, which really creeps me out at night with a rat that comes in and out whenever it wants, and mosquitoes and everything else, but during the day when you do not want to take your shoes off, it is perfect.  See, there is a plus side to everything. 

As an added bonus, to let the breeze in through during the day, I will leave the door open.  If the breeze blows too hard, it opens the door all of the way, and then it bounces off of my feet and shuts again.  The room might be fine without the doors open for breeze, because there is a 4 inch gap at the bottom, and there are openings in between the slats on the door itself – you can literally see strips of light, right through the door.  But I do like a nice breeze to blow in once in awhile – it clears my mind.

 

I think about going home and wonder how my back will survive carrying a 3 year old all around the airport, but I know that God provides.  I dream about going to my PT but I would hate to see that disappointed look on his face when he sees how my back is.  He tried to warn me to do my stretches and stuff, but the sleeping was a big thing for and obviously the situation is not ideal. I dream of being in traction and having my spinal column stretched.  There are few things that make me as excited as that.  Maybe while Benny is at Baptist’s speech therapy center, I can sneak over and get stretched and have an ultrasound treatment and that deep tissue shock thing!?!?  OMG.  Whoever came up with that was a genius.  I beg him to turn it up the electricity as high as possible knowing how great it will feel when it is done.  My PT is the absolute best.  How weird are you when you start dreaming of where you get to go when you get home?!?

Last week when I was trying to wash my hair, I imagined my hair dresser’s face when she saw how messed up my hair was.  Rachel at Garbo’s is the best, I have followed her for 4 years, and she does the best Brazilian Keratin treatments. Before I left, she told me of some new one that is getting certified in, and I can’t wait to go home and have straight hair again.  Between swamp water and the heat and sweat – my hair has been a fro of waves for weeks and it smells.  I use ‘It’s a 10’ which helps with the smell a little, but the shampoo is yucky that I bought here, but it was the cheapest one, and was almost $15 for a tiny bottle, so I am stuck using it. 

My hair sticks out everywhere, like a loose spiral perm.  I try to keep it in braids, especially at night to keep it from getting really tangled, but it does not help much.  Ugandans response to my hair is amusing.  They ask to touch it, they pulls the braids, play with the bristly ends of the braid, grab handfuls of my hair when it is not in braids.  Benny likes it when I flip it over my face, or toss it over my head, sometimes he tries to hide in it.  They comment on how it matches my eyebrows and the hair on my arms.  They tell me that I could weave it and use it as fishing line. 

So Sunday started slow as I sat and pondered all of these things while Benny played cars on the floor.  Benny did not pull any crazy bathroom stunts, but he did pour his water bottle all over his chair when I would not let him get out of his seat, and he refused to each his breakfast.  I brought him back to the room and put him in the corner with his bowl of breakfast and a water bottle and told him that we would play soccer when he was done eating.  He has demolished the water bottle and crumbled and smashed his food to pieces, but there he sits, happy as a clam.

The rest of the day was more of the same….me praying to go home, Benny praying that I let him out of the room.  I really do not want to let him play outside because of all of the rain last night, and the mud in the grass, but I have little choice – even I would rather go insane outside rather than in.  I am nervous about tomorrow and I know that God’s Will will be done, and I am trying to not think about it, but it is crazy to maintain focus and balance and keep the emotions of a very fallen creature aligned to the acceptance of God’s Will.

Notes from my prayer journal:  I pray that I do not lose hope tomorrow. I pray that I can be focused on trusting in His Will, and align my emotions to that accordingly.

“Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, 

who walk in the light of your presence,

O Lord.”

-Psalm 89:15

Soundtrack song of the day – No Ones Gonna Love You – Band of Horses

Consecration to Jesus through the Immaculate Heart of Mary, Blessed Pope John Paul II, Day 32

The Novena to the Divine Mercy, Day 6